to beast or not to beast?

 In the past, when I quarreled with my wife, often because I was sooooo nervous and wanted too much sex, I refused even some occasional cuddling. It was something like "if I can have access to the whole menu, why should I accept the gift of a dessert?": it's unfair and unhealthy, too much sugar without true and balanced food (actually, I'd agree that cuddling after a passionate, deep, sweaty, slippery sex is something similar to a Sachertorte at the end of a superb dinner... after that, you can only want yet a shot of a limoncello, that is a bath or shower together... even if there's the risk to start eating again). 

Anyhow, I went out of my thought road, and on a dangerous downhill road... Let me try keeping my selfcontrol for a little bit.

In these days, I know I've become a sphynx, difficult to cope with if you want to have a deep relationship, even if this means also that I don't ever grow angry, which could be nice.
This morning, my wife asked for a coffee in bed. And I obviously brought it to her, I'm not a beast. And she called for some cuddling. She often tells me I'm a too arrogant man, and I thought it could have been a humble thing offering her what she was asking for. Actually, I like cuddling too. Let's get the minimum you can get... 

While cuddling her, she started talking about works to do, painting, forniture displacement, and so on. It's ok, a common life encompass these aspects too. But I was staring at her chest. It's hot by us in these days, and she was wearing a light night dress. Not really a see-through, but I could guess her nipples, pushing outside. I'd have wanted to lick them, or at least caress them. Even if she says she can't feel anything, when I suck them. But the mere idea, made me hard.
If she realized that, she pretend she didn't. 

I was thinking that this could mean I'm not a beast. My wife isn't the body type I'd prefer: I'd like petite bodies, with tiny firm tits and pointed nipples and slender legs... she's a well-built woman, with mighty legs, a clear tendence toward overweight and yielding big tits with large areolas. She doesn't know, since I never told her, but the first time I saw her naked tits, they seemed to me like two puddings. 
Anyhow, if in our (ehm... "her") room I had had another girl, my "perfect" body type, I'd have cuddled and kissed my wife. We men aren't beasts.

Nevertheless, while I was listening to home works and staring her nipples and trying to place my erection in a more comfortable position, I started desiring not to fuck my wife, but to simply fuck what would have been fuckable. After a bit, excitation means "I need a warm hole to discharge my load". At a certain point, it's as if my reptile brain wins over my reason. 

After all, maybe we are beasts. Or at least, by the height of my 51 y.o., I am yet reptile brained, got old without getting sager. I'm yet a beast.

(Anyhow, how I'd want to cause in her half the physical-hormonal reaction she causes in me. I miss a beast near to me)