cordata, saleena, makina, reynafad, barbs, atenea, nora, zori, Spanish...

 ... and other girls/women whose names I don't remember (these ones, too, have been slightly modified, in order to keep them identifiable if you want to be sure I remembered you, yet not to be searchable, if you don't want your name to be "spreaded" - not many people read these lines, anyhow).

As I've already admitted, I attend sex chats. Actually, I've succeeded in reducing that plural noun to a singular one, and maybe I'll be able to recover from that addiction. Sure, it's an addiction, since I really need to show myself and watch others showing themselves, in order to feel a bit better and caress my shift... (and eventually jizz out, too). 

But I should open wider my subject, drawing from my professional studies and researches. Why do men pay for (real or virtual, it's not the same but let put them right now together) sex? A lot of reasons. Among them, they say one of the strongest is a power reason. It's not directly sexual pleasure, but the idea of disposing of another person, paying fot that. Ok, I've got a lot of defects, but this paraphilia isn't mine. Actually, I always suspect that what they tenderly and kindly tell me, which makes me feel better for a while, better accepted or even acceptable... they're telling me simply because I'm paying. Thus, it doesn't help me anymore.

In the chat I attend, anyhow, there are also women (another defect of mine: I'm incurably heterosexual) who don't broadcast and simply chat. Some of them are really hot, kind toward me and welcoming. I like them. Each one in a different way, since they're different. When a not broadcasting woman enters in my virtual room, I greet her - which I usually don't with other girls - and start a talking. Sometimes it grows into something of sexual. Usually, I can't even imagine them.

Why am I doing that? Let's start trying understanding it. I'd really much love seeing them; and I'm showing myself. Thus, it's not pathological shyness. Maybe I think in this case, since I don't pay them, things are more honest, clear, sincere. I actually need feeling liked, loved, attracting. 

I haven't lived an active sexual life, even if I'm engaged, for too long time. I feel unsecure. I think I'm not attractive. And when they say I'm "handsome", i can't believe them, anyhow this titillates me a bit. Maybe sex is about pleasure, but also about feeling "someone". That's why I don't feel myself happy in watching porn, but I need interaction. Even if I can't see them (how much I'd like that! Especially if they're fingering themselves!), even if someone else could be on the other side. 

But I thank you all, my dears. I like you. I love you. I'd love seeing you, kissing you, caressing you, sliding my tongue between your lips (as I often joke, "not necessarily those of your mouth"), seeing and feeling you orgasming, together with me. But I like also knowing you're happy to watch me. I always hope you're true and you're not pulling my leg. 

Be happy, all of you, and great and many orgasms for you!