Myself as an old adulescent

 Actually, I'm not widow. I'm not even an English mother tongue. But it's not useful knowing where I type from. 

I'm married to a woman I love. Who is ill, with a long term illness which has changed her psyche too, as it is understandable. We've got kids, who are clever and growing in a nice and well mannered way. 

But I'd prefer being a husband, not only a caregiver. I'd like she wouldn't step back anytime I try to caress her. I'd want her caresses on my body. I'd want to have sex with her (actually, we had, three times during 2020 and already twice in this year... we could beat our record). And I go for online sex, which I feel very ashamed for. 

I'm here in order to cry out. To nobody, probably. But I hope it's anyhow better than gulp down everything. 

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