Hollow widow

 Life sometimes forces us to downsize our claims. There was a time in which I dreamed about a long and quiet time of relax and sex with my wife, comprehensive of games, cuddles, kisses, mixing of best body fluids and pleasure.  Then, if not a "long" time at least "quiet". Or at least a time. If not pleasure with body fluids, at least games, then at least kisses. Now, I'd be glad to have some cuddle now and then.  Even if in the meantime my silly and pretentious erectile tissue pretends nothing has happened and would want to be cuddled and caressed and kissed and licked and stired up till its effusion. With time passing by, I'm trying to convince it that it can't have all this, but simply my hand to spurt in the saddest and gloomiest of aftermath.  Anyhow, I'd like to have the greatest sex with my wife. Or at least the greatest sex. Or at least sex. Or at least...

 Sex has never been what was keeping us together. Pitifully. I'd have wanted, but... Since anyhow I think it's better if we are well rather than suffering, I tried over and over. Sex games, sometimes of my own invention. Books. Videos.  She likes getting her first coffee in bed. Ok... every 3 morning coffees, you've got to take care of my morning wood. It worked twice, then she went on in a 7 days debt... and our game ended. (My game, I should say).  I tried to get at least a kiss a day. She seemed to agree, then a day she's not well, another she's tired, another she's got nauseas...  I shouldn't think I'm stinking and repulsing, should I? 

 She's not been well, again. Before dinner.  I've helped her lying in our (she'd say "her") bed. I've unfastened her bra. Her boobs came out, into this unfair electrical light. I've always preferred small, firm tits. But my wife's are large and yielding. Thus, I've learned to love her boobs too. Sometimes I exploit some chance and caress her nipples, who grow out hard... even if she says she feels nothing, and she's started not liking me suckling them. What a pity!  She was filled with nausea, and accused her stiff panties. I unclothed her. Again, I prefer bare pussy. But it's been a long time since when she sometimes shaved herself. Anyhow, she's beautiful ("pussy" is obviously female), since she's hers...  She's ill. She's not interested in me. Anyhow, I grow hard. I think I'm going to unload my semen in front of some video, or camgirl.

 Actually, I'm not widow. I'm not even an English mother tongue. But it's not useful knowing where I type from.  I'm married to a woman I love. Who is ill, with a long term illness which has changed her psyche too, as it is understandable. We've got kids, who are clever and growing in a nice and well mannered way.  But I'd prefer being a husband, not only a caregiver. I'd like she wouldn't step back anytime I try to caress her. I'd want her caresses on my body. I'd want to have sex with her (actually, we had, three times during 2020 and already twice in this year... we could beat our record). And I go for online sex, which I feel very ashamed for.  I'm here in order to cry out. To nobody, probably. But I hope it's anyhow better than gulp down everything.